Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
