So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Holy sore nipples Batman
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
