He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
