Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
