lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
