Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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