I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
If I die, sorry about rent.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
