were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
