my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I cut my penus on the lid.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Randomize
