normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
