Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
You can't just leave with hair like that
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
