Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
