shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
