Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
The power of my boobs compel you
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
