so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
