she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
