you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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