We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
