Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
