I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
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Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
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He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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