what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
