did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
