Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
