the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
