Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
