Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Randomize
