In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
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So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
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There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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