I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
