I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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