i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Randomize
