I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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