I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
