so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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