I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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