am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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