I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
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