I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize