sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
