We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
