if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
That accounts for only three of the penises
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
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