Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
