whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
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