He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
