the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
