you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize
