I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
