i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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