that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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