my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
