just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
