Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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