I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Floor bacon is actually really good
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
