So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
