I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
