I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
