if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
