my phone needs a breathalizer
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
