I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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