You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
