Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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