y did u give ur computer a hand job?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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