either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
