if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
