its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
you inspire me to be a worse person
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize