I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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