hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
