It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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