So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
