apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
