So drunk its hurt
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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