Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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